Thursday, October 4, 2012

Ultimate Guide On How to Repair a Broken Marriage After Separation


repair marriage after seperation

Do you know you have all it take to repair that broken marriage or relationship even if you and your spouse have been separated for a very long time, I tell you this is the perfect time to act right now in getting back your spouse.

Firstly, you have to know that there is no one perfect formula you can use in solving your marriage problems and also no marriage is perfect, they all have their own different challenges, and thus yours is not an exception.

Another very vital point to note, most couples think that once they have been able to solve their marriage challenges, and have reconciled with their spouse, most times they feel relax instead of looking for ways in continual renewal of the union, as you know, challenges will always come, how you handle it matters a lot hence you have to keep constant watch on your marriage to make it work.

Right now, you feel dejected, depressed, lonely, full of negative thought because the very thing that gives you joy (your spouse) is gone from you, even you ''ve been threaten by a legal suit, all that is coming to your head right now, is my heading towards a divorce ?

Don’t worry no matter how bad it might be right now there is still a way out, you can for sure still reconnect with your spouse, all that I need from you is to act once you are through reading this article.



The consequence and why you need to save that marriage before a divorce is filled.

Do not let your marriage condition degenerate to the point of divorce; there are lots of negative effects that goes along with divorce, it impact on the couples as individual as well as their well-being.

Now, this might interest you to note that the mental health and,  spiritual state of well-being of separated couples and divorcees are usually of the lowest level as compared to couples or partners that are still together, this does not mean the marriage is devoid of challenges, as earlier said there is no marriage without trouble, it all depends on how you handle it.




save that marriage before a divorce s filled

A study carried out by Hui "Cathy" in 2008 shown that the health of divorced couples had greatly declined while that of happily married couples thus improves greatly.

According to study carried out in 2009 in America, it shows that 50% of young couples marriage end in divorce and this thus have a negative impact both emotionally and physically on both parties which normally last for a very long time, directly having a devastating effect on the health of the individual.



 Tips that will help you fix your marriage
  
1  Make your marriage your top most priority: 

What most people don’t know, for marriage to work effectively, it does need lots of commitment, energy, dedication as well as deliberate attempt in making it successful.

your marriage top in your life

You must know that it is your responsibility to make your marriage work again, you have to try to regain your spouse love and trust, this should be your main objective, in a relationship where there is no love such union won’t work.

Even if it is your spouse is the one that is faulty, you just have to overlook all that for now, you main aim is to reignite the former love.

Most times you hear most couples say thing like “I don’t think I still love him anymore” or something like “what I feel for him before is no more”.

What if am trying my best to show the love and he/she is not responding? 
What should I do? 

 Nothing just keep on loving him, Stephen R. Covey stated in his book he said “love is more than a feeling it is an action that must be demonstrated”

This thus means that your love should go beyond feelings you should start acting it, demonstrating your love by continually showing of affection towards your spouse, complimenting him or her, show respect, have a high regard for him, trust and always believe in him.

These are ways you act love to your partner, no matter how ridge he might be he will surely succor to you, but this will do not happen overnight , it takes time and lots of work to accomplish. 


     How much do you know of your spouse?

It the right time to really know who he is, in terms of feeling and how he react  to things, is he the kind of man that is emotional or highly tempered when there is an argument. This goes a long way in helping in fixing your relationship as it will help in knowing what and what not to do to avoid a negative reaction.


learn to spend time with your lover to really know him or her

For you to really know who your partner is, here are a few tips that will help you achieve this:


      •   ü    The one and only best way to really know a person is to spend time with    the individual, how much time have you really spent with your spouse? How much you know of him? This might really take some time to find out who he is, what he likes and dislike, it is a vital element in fixing a broken relationship.
      •  
      •    ü  Plan together: both of you have dreams and aspirations, knowing what he/she want to achieve in future,  be acquainted with his goals and objective, taking time out and planning to make it a reality is key element in knowing your spouse, that way you are both spending time together exploring each other. 
      •  
      •   ü  Sharing or discussing on past memories is another great way of creating a stronger bond between you and your spouse; it could be a funny event or something you did while in your childhood.


      These are little things we think does not matter in a relationship, but they indeed play a vital role in strengthen a relationship. You just have to practice these things even if you have not done them before, they are essential in making the bond between you and your spouse stronger.



3 learn how to deal with marriage problems quickly before it goes out of hand.

It is normal for couples to have problems in a marriage, but you must be smart in dealing with issues you know that can lead to heated debate. 

Do not force your idea on your spouse, he/she might be doing something the worry way, which might get you angry, what you should do at that moment is not to react, cause your reaction might spell doom,  but at a later time let him or her know what he/she did was wrong, then the tempo must have calm down.


learn the best ways in dealing with marriage challenges

Also most time in trying to change your partner to behave or do things in a certain manner that pleases you can spark up a fight or heated argument in the house.

My advice is this, don’t try to change her, accept her for who she is, hear what Gottman, PhD.D., have to say concerning this issue:


don't change your spouse see her the way she is


And learn to live with her that way. You have to know that certain things can’t be change all you have is just accept it the way they are.


4   Reconnect with your spouse:

 Most times your spouse really want to be sure you are serious in fix the broken relationship, she may want to see you make certain move, in reconnecting with your spouse, you may be the one on the other end trying to make the relationship work. 





learn to listen when she talks



Here are a few tips that will help you get her attention.

1.  You must learn to listen to her

2. Call her, her pet name

3. If she goes to work send her sweet text  while at work

4. Admire something about her

5. Send her flowers while in office

6. Make her picture you phone background and let her see it

7. Cooking her best meal for her or help  her in the kitchen while cooking

8. Finding time to bath together if both you still live under same roof

9. Always ready to accepting her apology

  10.  Play her favorite music and you both dancing to it

  11  Having time out with each other as though you just meant.

  12    Communicate more

  13      And praying together.


There are many more ways you can connect with your spouse, thus you are gradually turning her attention toward you.
The tips above is also applicable if you are a woman trying to win back your man, very effective give it a trial.


5 Re-establish the trust in your relationship.

There are different factors that leads to broken marriages it might be money challenge, extra-marital affairs or infidelity, whatsoever it may be, in trying to fix such broken marriage it is not always not easy, it must first be based on trust, and you must be ready to win and that build trust.

learn to build trust in a relationship

You have been apart for a while in trying to unity, you have to let go of the past, and be prepare to start afresh, this is on one of the best way to build trust, even if you are to discuss past event that lead to the breakage it should be done on a softer ground such that it will not spark off another round of argument.

When trying to build that trust in your relationship, some negative factors such as opinions from  friends and  family members, anxiety, even your spouse, might be a distract, you should be expecting such, but do not give up until you get what you are looking for.

6 Stop the argument: the healthiest way to repair your marriage is to verbal abuses.

First you have to know that you both are in love, it is natural, sometimes you have argument, and it also very important to know when to stop the argument before it goes out of hand.

Naturally it’s well known that women are great talkers especially when it is on relationship matter and are good in argument this most times can lead to verbal abuse which in turn can degenerate to physical abuse. 


the best way is just to  stop talking

What do you do when you are in a state of constant argument with your spouse? Nothing more than to stop the argument, period!  If you want the relationship to work this is just the only way out.

Alternatively you can take some time out in mist of the argument, and discuss the matter later on in the day, but this time when the tempo have calm down.  


7   Physical intimacy:

One ingredient that keeps marriage going and makes it last for long is romance and constant dating, this two element can’t be exempted if you want to want to experience a successful marriage life.



physical intimacy play a key role in strengthen a marriage


 ü  You have to  revive romance in bed, now that you have been apart for something this aspect of your life suffers, it’s  your duty to revive the intimacy back again , make it first priority in all your  schedule, this is the best way you can rekindle that love between you and your partner, you be  the one to initiate it.

  ü  Don’t stop but continue dating: always make sure you set time aside from your tight schedule to have fun with your spouse, if there are kids at home that might distract then look for a serene environment where you and your spouse can have fun, but always remember you are to initiate the process.


8   Money challenge

money has greater influence in marriage in fact about 50% marriage problem is caused by money
Money has

 Helen Gurley Brown  a very influential and well-known woman, hear what she got to say about money and marriage.

money causes lot of problems in marriage



Off course Dr. Judy Kuriansk is right in his statement where he asserted that there are more frequent marriage break up with couples without money when compared with wealthy couple. This goes to say that money has great effect on love and relationship.

If you are married you and your spouse are having financial challenges and is tearing your marriage apart read the book by Tony Robbins. You will get to know how to deal with the challenges that come with money, earn more monies and save your marriage, hear what he as to say about money.


Money challenge is one of the frequent causes of broken marriages; you must learn how to cope with your spouse when things are not too good financially okay.


9  Get help from a marriage counselors;

Most times I hear people say that you don’t really need a marriage counselor when you have troubles with your marriage. I have to stress this point first, you don’t go to see a marriage consultant only when you have problem in your marriage, you can  as well visit when  you need advice on how to take your marriage to the next level as well as live effectively as happy couple.


tips in getting an expert in solving your marriage challenges


Who knows just the one tip or clue that will turn your marriage around is just that single advice from the consultant will turn your marriage for the good.

 How to get competent marriage counselor

Also, not all marriage counselors are good in solving marital issues, thus you have to look for good one, and here are some of the qualities you look out for in a good marriage counselor.

  1.       one with track record of handling cases similar to yours,
  2.       evaluate his success, how many case has he handle successfully
  3.       how much does he charge per session
  4.       can  I confide in him
  5.        Will I always meet with him in each session or will he refer me to another counselor


Conclusion;

I know there are lots of ideas that can help you on how to fix broken marriage even if the couples have been separated for a while.

I would love to know other tips that not included in this guide that will be of great help in fixing marriage or the one that work best for you in dealing with your marriage challenges.

Feel free to drop your  own contribution here.